Last night at a gathering someone told me a story of a single mom with a drug problem. They told me that this person drives around with their child in the vehicle while high and yells at the child often.

The child has become a burden to her and it saddened me to hear that; however, I've had my own unconscious patterns as a single parent where my kids became somewhat of an inconvenience to me as well.

As a single parent of 4 I found it tough not to become frustrated and angry with my kids especially in the beginning. Kids make huge messes, they're loud, they break things and have accidents in their pants. They test your patience from all angles.

Shortly after my wife and I separated a big part of me resented her. I found it challenging to move on and also the weight of single parenting 4 children was not an easy transition.

It was already challenging enough with a life partner to manage 4 children. Single parenting 4 kids is a whole different ball game. They require so much attention.

During the time my wife and I were together we owned a piece of real estate which provided us passive income. This allowed us to focus more energy on parenting without the need to be working full time as well.

Now that we're separated we sold the real estate and divided finances. 10 years of passive income has come to an end which means there's now the pressure to create an income stream.

After separating I often found myself frustrated and angry about challenges with the kids. They'd spill chocolate milk all over carpets, toys, furniture etc.

Writing on walls and damaging rental properties on-going. I typically reacted negatively to these scenarios.

There was one situation where they left the hose running by a basement window for an entire night. The next day I found the hose still running.

I didn't suspect any damage and we were not granted access to the basement by the home owners during our stay. We were in the midst of moving out of that home so the home owners could occupy the residence.

Long story short, the owners contacted me shortly after we moved to say there was inches of water in the basement. Their belongings got damaged. I knew right away it had to do with the hose being left on.

They also mentioned that a freezer full of food got unplugged. I believe one of the kids unplugged it to charge their phone. There was over a thousand dollars in damage which I paid them.

I kept my cool with the kids about it but I recall shaming them in subtle ways.

The biggest challenge was the day to day experience of life as a single dad. There were many times where I wanted to relax and the kids had intense excited energy in the home. I'd get angry with them and try to calm them down but it didn't work.

If something spilled or broke in this state it would amplify the anger in me. Needless to say it was a unhealthy environment and I had some things to learn.

These challenge stem from being attached to achieving relaxation. They're also a result of being too absorbed in thinking about other areas of my life that weren't working. I was my own enemy in a sense.

I enjoy focus time for competitive gaming and business pursuits. Usually these pursuits require a fair bit of focus and that's impossible with 4 active children in the home.

I thought I could balance it all which was a recipe for suffering. The suffering again stemmed from attachment to what I was doing. When I was interrupted during my affairs I'd often get short with the kids.

They became an interference to me which created a lot of unhappiness. I was not considering them.

As time progressed I often had low energy by the end of the night due to all the resistance to the life I lived. Unconscious self chosen pain.

I was self absorbed in trying to land a love partner and figure out my finances. I felt defeated when it came to family life.

It was especially frustrating that I held the belief that it's hard to get a new partner with all the kids I already had. Negative self talk was not serving me at all.

After enough hardship I realised that if I'm to change my life for the better it has to start within. I began adopting affirmations like "when there's harmony in my heart there's harmony in my environment".

I repeated this to myself as a reminder when parenting got challenging. I started practising inner peace consciously.

It was still a struggle because my attachments were strong. It's been hard wired into me to always be getting things done.

I was living in the future always trying to get to a more fulfilling place than where I am.

After several months it felt like I didn't make much progress. Regardless I kept iron determination to my ideal visions.

I now follow Eckhart Tolle YouTube videos and have been creating time to meditate. Some ideas really hit home for me from his content.

One of the main teachings that I keep in mind is very simple: to accept and forgive life's moments as they pass. It's only when we reject life as it is that we suffer.

Another important teaching I received through Youtube research was from Earl Nightingale which is that every human wants to feel important and respected. I remember it brought tears to my eyes when I thought of my kids.

I had not been considering their importance. I'd been taking them for granted. I could literally feel the burden of my unconscious behaviour be lifted from me when I took in that advice.

And since that very day of watching that video my relationship to my kids has changed. I address them kindly and respectfully.

Calmness emanates from me as a baseline. I accept the spillages and interruptions more. There are still moments of irritation and frustration but they are rare.

This applies to dealing with my ex partner as well. There used to be moments of frustration and anger (stemming from resentment) but I now show her respect.

I apply this to every human I encounter and as a result there's less friction in my life. And when friction does arise it often dissolves quickly rather than growing.

I've awoken to a greater more harmonious me.

I stopped resisting family life and now feel much more capable of handling it as a single parent. It'll be nice when a goddess partner joins me in divine time; however, I'm no longer in a place of need/lack about it.

I had a girlfriend but I recently let her go. Although she was preparing herself to move into my family life and we shared many values I still made the move to end the relationship.

Raising 4 children alone is not for the faint of heart but a love relationship must fit well enough to be sustainable. If you're a single parent you don't have to settle.

Besides, the most important love you can have is with yourself. From that place of self love you can manifest a love partner. And without attachment to that outcome, it happens even faster.

Regardless you don't need others to find happiness. It is a masculine quality to be ok with being alone. Embrace your independence.

In the book Single on Purpose by the Angry therapist he explains that being single is the most fertile soil for growth. It offers the chance to become a better version of yourself so that you have more to offer your next love.

Trust and detachment give me easement into single parenthood. There are still moments of frustration but my new state of mind is at a higher vibe baseline than in the past.

I used to be at the mercy of what was going on around me. When challenges would arise I'd get triggered into reactivity.

My oldest son is getting closer to puberty and I noticed in the past that he had body odour. I attribute it to stress caused by my frustrating attitude in the household.

Since my personal shift there's no longer b.o. from him. I feel so happy that I'm creating a new comfortable home to raise my kids in.

This attitude shift has been a saviour for us all. I'm now able to relinquish attachment to my affairs and be present for my people.

For this entire month I've been single-handedly packing and cleaning to move to a new city. During this (often perceived as stressful) time there is still increased harmony at home.

Challenges arise and I accept them. I accept interruptions from the children.

In the past they seemed apprehensive even to ask me questions because of how I reacted to interruptions. After awakening though I sense now that they trust the safety in asking me any questions. I am open to them instead of resisting.

Living consciously has turned my world right side up. Here's some tips for bringing increased harmony to your family life:

Harm to Harmony Formula

Treat your family with respect and importance

This has been a game changer for me and something that Earl Nightingale attributes to the true successors of the world. They treat people with the importance and respect that each human craves.

The people in your life will feel the love that you give in this way and respond well to it. I have a new family life because of this very notion.

This requires you to let go of what you're doing at times if it involves children because their needs are very important to them. It may not seem that important to you; however, your needs are not valued by them either.

So it requires seeing things from their perspective to understand. When you put yourself in their shoes you're teaching the skill of consideration.

Practice treating your kids as you would a friend. I practise this which reminds me to address them with respect and understanding.

Embrace interruptions

Life has twists and turns and when your plans take a twist you might often resist it. This only causes self imposed suffering.

One of the biggest downfalls humans have today is that of attachment. Attachment to outcomes.

Having plans is great; however,challenges often arise which favour a change in direction. Be open to interruptions to plans especially from your kids.

Your highest self is always guiding you to the best path. It's your ego that gets in the way and resists when a change of direction is being called for.

Most times when plans fall apart or get delayed it's a blessing in disguise. It leads you to a powerful lesson or a better path.

For example, a delay in plans may prevent you from a car accident or "fill in the blank" negative experience you were not meant to experience. Life illuminates the greatest path sometimes through road blocks in plans.

So let the kids fuck up your plans. Embrace it. It's for the greater good.

Each time you're interrupted it's a a chance to grow your resilience. You do so by taking a moment to respond to life rather than react to it.

Sometimes easier said than done but keep this in mind to mitigate suffering. Break the cycle of self imposed pain. It starts with you.

Give your kids the attention needed

Every human strives for attention and when you honor that need in your kids they feel your love. It nurtures them into self confidence.

My parents worked from home when I was a child growing up. Interruptions were not acceptable in that environment.

My parents did the best with what they knew at the time but they were absorbed in their work. Boundaries were firm and it became difficult to ask for things.

For many years I held a block within about asking people for things. It's like I don't want to bother anyone.

With more self awareness this is fading. The bottom line is that if my needs were honoured as a child I'd naturally feel more confident in myself.

I don't blame my parents though. I hold the responsibility because this is how I processed and dealt with it.

To honour a child's needs of attention fosters the feeling of self worth. This means allowing interruptions at times.

You may not be able to meet all requests in the moment but acknowledge that you'll get to it when the time is right. Kids thrive when they feel valued.

Self observation and correction

This is a big one. It applies to all faucets of life but it especially gets tested well at home. It's because family tends to know how to push your buttons the most.

The level of consciousness (self awareness) you meet that button pushing with determines the outcome. You could magnify the problem or solve it.

If you react out of the same old emotional patterns nothing will resolve. The problem actually tends to grow most often.

You keep living the same pain causing patterns. Choose instead to take a moment to respond instead of getting lost in reactivity.

All triggers are signals for you to see what still lives within you that hasn't yet been healed. To heal it you just need to observe it for what it is.

Feel the negative emotion within and choose instead to respond with compassion, kindness and patience. It takes practice but every bit of effort is worth it.

This is the process of healing into a new you and embody an evolved human being. It trickles into your love life, family life and work environment. Peace grows through you.

It's a decision and consistent practice away.

Devote yourself to your purpose

A man's purpose is his mission. When you devote adequate time to your life's work it fills you up.

Set aside X amount of hours daily to pursue your mission. This allows you to bring a full version of yourself to family life.

Even if you just give your kids 30 minutes per day of your undivided attention and presence that is enough. What your kids and lover desire most is your depth.

It's about quality of presence over quantity. So remember to fill your cup first and relax knowing that you can meet your family needs in as little as 30 mins daily.

When it comes giving attention to kids this doesn't mean asking them to stop doing something. What it means instead as an example is to engage in something they're interested in at the time.

Ask questions about their hobby. This unlocks joy in them when you hear them out on their passions.

Summary

These tools help me ongoing at home as a single dad of 4. I transformed from a frustrated, resentful human to an accepting loving dad.

May it help you feel confident and peaceful at home with your tribe as well.

There's more depth to these tools than I've outlined and if you want to find sustained harmony in your life you can DM me (links below). I provide counselling to get you from frustration to patience.

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