After separating with my ex wife in 2020 I began my journey into personal greatness. I vowed to myself to become my greatest version so that I could rise above all the flaws that were still a part of me during my relationship with my ex.

I decided to channel all of my energy toward healing and personal empowerment. It started by reading the book "Single on Purpose" by John Kim (The angry therapist) which helped me identify that I am wired for monogamy.

My ex wife and I had agreed to go poly-amorous prior to our separation. The purpose was to make our intimate life more interesting and to save our relationship.

The benefit to going poly is that it encouraged me to be my greatest version of self so that if she got with someone I'd still feel confident in myself. It urged me out of the complacency of being in an 11 year relationship (with my wife at the time).

Complacency occurs because of a lack of self awareness in every day life. This is what happened between my ex and I is that I took her for granted and became bored in the relationship.

Polyamory did not help, it in fact exacerbated the issue into deep resentment. We each had secondary long distance partners at first which was fun and easy because there was nothing much to fear or be jealous about. It was simply talking on the phone and connecting at a social level with another.

My ex was reading about poly at that time and it stated in the book that using poly to fix a relationship is a path to failure. That proved to be a truth by personal experience.

After several months my ex and I decided to separate because going poly didn't offer us a remedy to the boredom of our relationship.

I dedicated the next few years to understanding attraction and magnetism so that I could discover the depths of love with a new partner. What I discovered is that polyamory is not ideal for someone who seeks depth of connection.

It seems to offer only limited connections. There's lack of true commitment. It fosters the scenario that if there are issues in one relationship you could easily bounce around to other partners in your harem.

It's grounds for avoidance tendencies which is essentially a lack of commitment. It makes it easier to avoid conflict which leads to lack of personal growth--leading to an unhealthy love environment.

You can only give so much energy to an intimate partner let alone many partners. It's difficult to truly get to know another person even throughout a lifetime.

Our bodies are made of trillions of cells and each cell holds approximately 600 pages loaded with information about us. Humans are so intricate.

When it comes to intimate connection I gravitate instead toward depth. Quality over quantity.

I spent many years in the past indulging in porn and programming my mind to lust. I now understand the emptiness and long term dissatisfaction it brought to my intimate relationships.

The consequences are evident after 20 years of not thinking there was a problem. I know it well enough now to know it's an unfulfilling path which leads to a yearn for real love.

If you look at porn it is interfering with your love life to some degree (whether noticeable or not). I wrote an article here on how to wean off of it for good: https://bmi.beehiiv.com/p/5-ways-overcome-porn-addiction?_gl=1*1ofr2w2*_ga*OTg3NDQ3OTYuMTY3OTg2MTcwMw..*_ga_E6Y4WLQ2EC*MTY4MjAwODQ5My4xNi4xLjE2ODIwMDg4NTguNTYuMC4w

The modern world breeds lust because sexual triggers are constantly pushed into our faces. In main stream media lust is glorified but love takes a backseat.

The result is unhealthy conditioning and confusion. Most have forgotten the value of the sacred union of souls.

A few days ago my girlfriend told me that a friend of her friend was invited to a sex party. She described it that you start in one room with a single partner then continue switching rooms for new sexual partners.

In a nutshell you're fucking people you barely know which is not wise. Sex is a mixing of the most intense personal energies of two people. It's sacred and not an act to take lightly.

When you engage in sex you absorb each others energies as you meld into one. You become one with that person.

This means if the person you sleep with has unhealed issues and a tainted consciousness you absorb that through the act. This is especially the case for women because they're the entry point.

They have vaginas so they're designed to consume whereas the man penetrates with his energy. The aftermath of this lustful activity is the building of shadows within.

The ego craves pleasure at all costs even when there's no depth to the connection. Truth is lust sinks you deeper into lower levels of being.

On the other hand, when you foster a healthy relationship through love and trust there is a depth. There's a growing light that precedes from within which raises your energetic vibration.

Love offers growth and inspiration to greater heights. It's intimate connection with meaning.

Lust is a disease whereas love is a healer.

The Ultimate Virtue for Lasting Love

Love is based upon trust and safety. That said, the difference between lust and love is depth. Lust is surface level whereas love exists deep beneath the surface.

How is that depth created and maintained? The short answer is commitment.

Commitment starts when you find someone you want to build a relationship with and discard any other connection options. This provides the healthy space for that relationship to begin to flourish.

People sometimes recommend leaving options open in case the relationship doesn't work out. What that does though is it tells the universe you doubt the relationship will work out.

You send a signal to the universe that you're in lack. This weakens the structural integrity of the relationship.

Having integrity takes effort because there are temptations all around. You avoid the path of temptation by not giving heed to beautiful people outside your love connection.

Learn to see beautiful people as an opportunity to practise platonic connection. This allows you to cultivate a greater sense of self-confidence because of your integrity.

Furthermore, your lover will sense your trust-ability which allows your love to grow and flower beautifully. A wildly feminine woman smells your trust-ability.

You can't hide. She knows what's up. Her intuition reads subtleties like a book.

People tend to fear commitment and to move very slowly as protection from vulnerability. It is legit to not rush a relationship; however, it's a disservice to conserve your love to avoid hurt.

The depth of the love connection becomes capped at how much love you're willing to give. If you give your love fully you open the doors for your partner to do the same.

Deep love adds sustenance to any intimate connection because it is uncommon. If you want your love connection to last give your love. Leave nothing on the table.

Rewards come to those who give their hearts fully. The universe works in mysterious ways.

Commitment comes in many forms and one of them is to listen and allow yourself to be fully seen. I've heard the word intimacy defined as "Into-me-see".

Sometimes it seems safer to hide your pain in an intimate connection; but depth is cultivated by being open and truthful.

It's important to commit to express the truth of your feelings no matter how uncomfortable. Only true love is meant to last in the face of truth... and if it doesn't last... it wasn't true.

You gain leverage when you avoid situations that lead to the necessity of uncomfortable truths. So avoid the pursuit of temptation and you'll not be put in difficult scenarios to have to come clean.

Relationships are sustained through commitment. To commit requires incessant self awareness. This allows you to live with integrity so you can be fully trusted.

Without self awareness the egoic mind has control which eventuates to problems. Problems arise in the form of arguments due identifying with opinions and beliefs.

When you're self aware you're able to detach from opinions so that you're not attached to being right. This allows harmony to flow in the connection.

As both parties practise self awareness and self correction, heated friction becomes non-existent. Your love life then flows into peace and harmony.

That sense of peace ensures a safe environment for authentic expression. Opinions are expressed without the fear of harsh reactions between battling egos.

When you identify with opinions the ego creates a feeling of being threatened like a life or death situation. So what happens is you get into fight or flight reactivity which often leads to harsh words.

This is why self awareness is important so that you catch those moments of reactivity.

Practise self observation when alone because that's when it's easiest. Then when you're with your partner you will be used to that state of being.

It's all about liberation from the preoccupation of thoughts--to quiet the mind. With continual self observation you'll be able to catch yourself where you'd otherwise fly off the handle in anger or frustration.

An advantage expressed by poly-amorous people is that being poly allows for multiple needs to be met by multiple partners. The idea is that one partner couldn't meet all the needs on their own but there's a greater realisation to be had here.

The beauty of unfilled needs is that it reveals that you feel incomplete. If you don't feel the fullness of who you are there is no relationship that can achieve that.

You must learn to practise quieting the thoughts of your mind and living in the moment (from your highest self). Give full attention to your life in each moment.

As you do this you begin to transcend your ego and operate from your highest self. When you live from this state of awareness you have no needs from others.

You're free from dependence. It takes practise but every bit of effort is worth it.

In the beginning meditation helps to get in touch with the essence of your being. I wrote an article on meditation practices that you can view here. This is the foundation of non-neediness.

It is the awakening to who you truly are without needs. That said, you don't need multiple partners to fill needs. You instead need to awaken to your true self whom is already full and complete.

When you live your life continually in that awareness your relationships will flourish. You are complete and whole so you bring a whole new level to your love life.

If you feel you need others to fill needs you are in a dis-empowered place. Instead, empowerment is born out of practising present moment awareness.

It's a matter of living in the moment and appreciating life as it is without needing it to change. Quiet the voices in your head and say hello to peace.

Acceptance is also a crucial part of relationships and knowing that nobody's perfect. A single person can meet many needs but for the ones they don't meet you're urged to practise self observation (realise your wholeness).

Commitment fosters the masculine trait of being singularly focused. The divine masculine man knows what he wants which means he doesn't keep several options on the table (just in case).

You don't need a sense of security in a relationship even though it could end at any time. A divine man is fine on his own until a new relationship starts when timing is right.

The foundational roles of masculinity are to protect and provide. A man in a poly relationship is less inclined to protect his women and play a provider role.

If there are other options available, why should he strive to protect and provide? He's more flowy like the ocean from one partner to another.

Poly is the easy way out of emotions and relationship challenges whereby monogamy fosters personal growth. Women will test you but that is their essence.

Embrace the tests because it grows your masculine essence of not being perturbed so easily. Stay detached from personal opinions and beliefs.

A monogamous love connection is all a divine man needs. A man who keeps plenty of options available is in his feminine energy. It is a dark feminine trait at that. The dark feminine loves variety.

Divine masculinity strives for depth of connection through commitment. A divine feminine woman seeks and prefers a man who practices this.

Commitment builds sustenance in love relationships. The devotion of monogamy is untouchable.

It takes continual self awareness to remain grateful for a single lover. Remember the relationship will end when you stop appreciating the love you have.

Gratitude is the glue that keeps lovers bonded through challenge and growth.

After 11 years of marriage with my ex wife I lost the spark and it's because of taking her for granted. I lived life from my ego of craving physical contact (sex) for years.

I also got lost in the day to day duties that come with having 4 children. It's easy to get lost in daily responsibilities. Bottom line is, the spark fades without self observation.

In order to correct oneself one must first be self aware. Without that you're just going through the motions and eventually your relationship falls apart. This is due to avoiding to address taking your partner for granted.

In my relationship with my ex I remember feeling unhappy because of continually thinking of ascepts of her that I didn't accept.

It's often the case that we hold our significant other's in a negative light based on our experience with them.

What's often forgotten is the aspects that you love about them. It takes conscious effort to be grateful because of that. It's helpful to remind yourself that this relationship could end.

You otherwise get complacent and take your partner for granted. This is the recipe for permanent break up.

If you become complacent, take the time to find gratitude (write it in a journal). It saves relationships.

After steady practise I now come to the table with my new girlfriend with increased self awareness. She's also self aware which is grounds for healthy communication and connection.

It is a true blessing to meet a woman who embodies these divine traits. We've been seeing each other for 3 months and I often remind myself of her amazing qualities.

This keeps the appreciation alive and doesn't allow complacency to ruin the relationship. I trust and know deep down that this relationship has the potential to go far into the future because of that.

When 2 conscious beings come together it is the foundation for a power couple to blossom.

Our goal as a couple is to be a divine example for others to learn and grow from. We inspire each other and aim to inspire others with our story.

The Love Longevity Framework:

Eliminate distractions and options

This past winter I deleted 90% of my facebook friends and only kept the ones I make consistent contact with. By doing so I weeded out a plethora of womanly distractions as well as friends that no longer serve me.

It made space for a Goddess to enter my life when the time was ripe... and that's just what happened. A month later I became aligned to connect with my current girlfriend because of the clean slate.

My girlfriend is a woman of high vibes who has chosen to remain independent from relationships for several years. The reason is because of not settling.

Similar to myself I spent more than a year single... healing and growing into a better version of me. I did not allow myself to settle on any girl that came to me for connection.

At one point I was talking to a girl who was in the running to be a cover girl for Maxim. She told me she was into me and she was even sending me nudes from her modelling career.

Beautiful body, but I was in a place of purifying my sexual energy so I didn't allow myself to give in. I remember she reached out one last time but I had just recently deleted her from my social media accounts to remove distraction.

I let her know that I deleted her because I felt I was in a different place at that time. I was cleansing myself from lust so that I could attract an equally pure Goddess partner.

After relinquishing facebook distractions I found my current girl who's on a similar trajectory. She's an artistic creator and lives by similar values.

This is the power of choosing high quality connections only and not settling.

Like attracts like. If you are single and looking to attract a high vibe partner, be a high vibe partner.

The power of being single

Being single is the most fertile soil for growth. Use it to self examine and correct habitual patterns that don't serve.

Develop a relationship with yourself. It's a great way to bring sustenance to your next love connection.

Take your time as a single to get to know yourself. Being lonely is uncomfortable at times but it's an opportunity to practise being happy without depending on others.

It's a time to honour your own needs and learn how you can be better for your next connection when that happens. Realise that you are whole and complete without a relationship.

Being single is a time to enjoy the activities that make you feel free. There are usually activities that get put on a shelf while in a relationship.

Being single offers the chance to revisit those great activities. For me I started rollerblading all along the sea walk in my home town. I feel a sense of liberation through it.

For you it might be bike riding, hiking, running, mountain climbing, playing guitar etc. This is all good medicine and gives you a sense of joy in your own presence.

It allows you to enjoy your personal time... it's like you're dating yourself. This is a recipe for personal wholeness which creates possibility of meeting someone through common interest.

You don't need to be searching and seeking a partner. It happens organically especially when you detach from achieving that.

When you do meet prospects it's ideal to choose one with the right energy over one who's physically appealing only. Quality of character and energetic vibes are the foundation of a lasting intimate partnership.

I had a girlfriend in the past who was attractive but lacked spiritual awareness and had alcohol issues. The connection was fun on the surface but it lacked sustenance.

This surface level connection led to recurring emotional friction and suffering. Lust was the main component which bred unhealthy attachment. This led to energy drain.

Relationships take time to grow and maintain. A partner that you find only physically attractive is not worth the time investment.

If you pursue the physically attractive for short term pleasure it closes the door of opportunity to long term connection. People tend to avoid loneliness by jumping from relationship to relationship.

It's ok to be alone, in fact it's empowering to rediscover yourself. Getting to know yourself is the catalyst to personal greatness.

Being single allowed me to process my flaws and suppressed emotions. The healing that I accomplished changed my energetic vibration.

I remember once being invited to a dance from a girl I’d met and although I don’t usually dance as an introvert I attended anyway. I spoke to several women that night with my new energy and it became apparent that beautiful women were dancing close to me as show.

At the time I didn’t realise it but my guy friend had brought it to my attention because I had a mindset of not getting distracted by other girls from my date. The next morning my date informed me that several other girls from the dance were asking how they could contact me.

This is all a result of doing the healing work while single. It was black and white proof that what I’d done had changed the way I was perceived by others.

Have Integrity

I have girls wanting to add me to facebook who are attractive but I don't know them. I put myself in my girlfriend's shoes and act accordingly.

I often ask if she'd appreciate what I'm doing or not before I do it.

Integrity fosters trust.

It's the path to a love life of harmony. I am continually on this path because of honest practices.

In the past I had unhealthy intimate connections with women but back then I would often fantasise about other women. This stemmed from looking at porn, not to mention the constant bombardment of sex in the media.

I finally overcame porn. I won't get into how porn ruins intimacy because you can check out my previous article as mentioned for more on this topic (linked above).

The practise of being selective of intimate partners and not just clinging to the first hottie I saw led to good things. I had a vision of aiming for a serious connection because lust is meaningless and harmful.

This vision led to connecting with my current girlfriend who’s both high vibe and attractive.

Had my energy been tied up in short term physical fun we would not have made connection. I found it difficult enough to connect with people given that I have 4 kids and I'm an introvert.

With my strategy of not keeping plenty of options available it accelerated the discovery of my girlfriend. I honed in on quality vs quantity.

Ie. Keep the big fish (the primary “option”) and throw the rest back.

Commit

As I honour commitment, I walk with increased confidence because I don't have to hide anything such as leaving the back door open. I embody integrity which brings the sense of safety and trust to my woman.

Being committed doesn't mean you cling to your partner but it does mean you don't get distracted by outside temptations. Only if the relationship expires is it ok to start looking again.

If you're passively looking you'll never find a true love. You'll always be telling the universe that you're in lack so your love life will be lacklustre no matter what.

When you show up as a committed partner you instead receive the greatest gift of divine love. You achieve depths that no other connection could offer you.

Diving deep is the purpose of life. It allows for growth, trust and ever blossoming love.

Through commitment you embrace challenge and the moments of friction. These are the seeds of growth. Water them into your greatest self.

Any average person can move from one partner to another. It's called shiny object syndrome. Lack of commitment equates to a shallow existence.

My masculinity coach used to be a pick up artist and would pick up many women for sex. He assured me that it doesn't lead to happiness.

He's now a healer who's finally settled with a Goddess partner. He discovered the value in quality over quantity and advocates for this path. He explained from experience that picking up women for a lay count is not the way to achieve happiness.

Avoid complacency

Your relationship may not last forever and in fact it's best to see it that way so that you don't fall into complacency. Complacency leads to taking your partner for granted which leads to the end.

To sustain love you must practise self awareness day in day out. The novelty of intimate love wears off as you forget to be grateful for what that partner offers you.

With continual self awareness you'll have leverage on boredom in your love life. Journalling helps find gratitude in your partner as well. It's a way to remind you of those great qualities that you'd miss if you were no longer with them.

Embrace Challenge

Relationships are always fiery in the beginning but can begin to dwindle as they present their own set of challenges. Remember that it's in these challenges that you find seeds of growth.

That said, it is still worth sticking it through. There are ups and downs to life. Love partners help us see ourselves.

If you get triggered by your partner it's a gift to show you that which needs healing within you.

A love partner accelerates your growth and knowledge of self which is the most important quest in this life.

Additionally, knowing yourself facilitates your greatest manifestations. It allows life to flow more easily as you grow beyond your old program (conditioning).

Growing is often uncomfortable but it's the only path to long term comfort through self mastery.

If you want a divine connection you need to be a divine being. Commitment to yourself and to your partner forges the path to divinity. It's crucial for lasting love.

The feminine strives to feel safe in relationships with a man she can trust. Be that immovable object in her life that sways neither here nor there in the face of temptation.

You'll be greatly rewarded as you embody what she truly wants. It takes effort especially if you're used to leaving options on the table; however, every bit of effort is worth it.

Be the king your queen desires. Dive deep.

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With love,

-Kush

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Are you single and looking to attract a new Queen partner via natural magnetism? Do you want to strengthen the bond of your current love relationship?

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